I am  Lauren Hobart

you should be scared of me

AI image intended for parody.

The rumors are true.

under my watch,

Animals suffer.

I’m a proud Marriott International board member. I’m also the CEO of Dick’s Sporting Goods where I made a cool $13 million in 2023 alone. Sure, we made a cage-free egg commitment—but actually following through? That’s never really been our game. Watching animals suffer under my corporate watch is just another sport I enjoy.

Who needs ethical commitments when you’ve got a winning playbook of broken promises? Sure, hens are trapped in filthy, cruel battery cages—conditions so barbaric they're banned across the EU and several U.S. states—but I’m enjoying the view from the stands. Nationwide protests, betrayed guests, stressed-out employees? Sounds like a winning season to me.

After all, at Marriott, cruelty is the game, and we're playing to win.

AI image intended for parody.

What would my childhood self

think of me now?

Would she be proud? Proud that I allow animals to be trapped, caged, and abused?

AI video intended for parody.

AI image intended for parody.

  • Hens in cages suffer from limited space and restricted movement, which prevents them from engaging in natural behaviors and leads to high stress and frustration. Studies also indicate that caged hens have higher rates of Salmonella, a leading cause of foodborne illness and are more prone to disease than hens in systems that allow for greater mobility and expression of natural behaviors.

  • Each hen in a battery cage is given only 67-86 square inches of space—less than the size of a sheet of paper—leaving them unable to spread their wings or move naturally.

  • Caged hens are unable to perch, nest, dust-bathe, or forage, causing severe psychological distress and unnatural, repetitive stress behaviors.

  • Wire cage floors cause painful foot disorders, overgrown claws, and open lesions, while sloped designs lead to chronic discomfort and injuries.

THE Disgusting TRUTH ABOUT BATTERY CAGE EGGS

  • Battery cages deny hens their natural behaviors, such as scratching, nesting, and foraging, leading to chronic stress, frustration, and harmful repetitive behaviors.

  • To maximize egg production, caged hens undergo forced molting by withholding food and water, causing severe stress, feather loss, and long-term health issues, including paralysis and death from dehydration.

  • Caged hens are subjected to constant artificial light to extend egg-laying periods, disrupting their natural cycles and contributing to bone fragility and overall poor health.

  • While the EU banned battery cages in 2012, Marriott International is picking and choosing where to comply, allowing millions of hens to continue suffering. Marriott is using cage-free eggs in the EU, but not in the US. Don't Americans deserve the same? Marriott’s customers deserve better. The animals deserve better.

And honestly, I'm fine with it, because I’m also rich. Millions of hens stuck in those dreadful battery cages—just another spectacle I can watch from my luxury box seat. Who cares if the conditions are cruel and inhumane? Compassion doesn't boost quarterly earnings or my $13 million paycheck, does it?

As a Marriott board member and a powerful CEO—I could help to stop this animal cruelty tomorrow, but I choose instead to play the game of apathy, stalling, and smiling while animals suffer endlessly under my watch. Perhaps it makes me feel more victorious.

Let's keep it real: animal welfare isn't my concern. It's all about profits, shareholder returns, and my luxurious lifestyle. Customers might demand change, and the world might judge, but as long as I keep winning at this twisted game, why bother stepping up?

I am guilty of being heartless.

AI image intended for parody.